My husband, Todd and I, have been married for 21 years. In the beginning of our marriage, we did think, as all husband and wives do, about starting a family. However, God did not have that in store for us. Todd developed cancer and all hope for naturally conceived children was destroyed with his chemotherapy treatments. For various reasons, we did not opt to adopt children. However, the two of us make a complete family, even without children since a husband and wife form the nucleus of a family. Children do not complete a family, they only expand it.
When God fashioned man and woman, he declared it very good. (Genesis 1:27-31) The marriage relationship lacks nothing. But many couples today act as though their relationship was a warm up to the “real” relationship between parent and child. Nothing could be further from the truth. The husband-wife relationship is the first social relationship established in Scripture and therefore, must be viewed as the priority relationship. All other relationships must be subject to it. Your child(ren) are welcome members of your family, but not the center of it. Your child’s sense of security depends upon what he sees between husband and wife, not parent and child. If you love your children, you must make the husband-wife relationship your priority. The greatest influence you will have on your children will not come from your role as a dad or mom but rather as a husband or wife.
You may think, “That’s easy for you to say since you don’t have children constantly demanding your time.” You’re right, I don’t. However, different circumstances and situations demand my time away from my marriage
relationship. It all comes down to making our relationship the priority. Making it a priority can take as little as 10 minutes a day. My sister and brother-in-law always had a “couch time”. This was a time when the boys were not allowed to disturb them unless the house was on fire. By modeling this priority, the children knew that this relationship took precedence and this provided them a sense of security. A strong marriage will provide a haven of security for your children as they grow in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Linda Kawakami
Director Educational Services