There are some deep truths that would have helped me, had I been able to reflect, rather than be so distracted by daily tasks.
First, we didn’t fully grasp the idea that God had made us completely and righteously in charge of our children, and that we did know better than they did what was right for them. While we were relatively firm parents, we still cared too much whether they were happy with our choice of restaurant, movie, weekend activity, or dinner selection. We parented like their needs were more important than our needs. Of course, their needs are more important, but their wants are not. Their perspective should be, “Daddy and Mommy have important things to do, and places to go, and isn’t it great that they let us come along?” My own parents enjoyed bluegrass festivals and running races. They never asked my sister or me if we would rather do something else, and I gained a lifetime appreciation of an art form that is definitely an acquired taste, and a way to stay healthy before that was even a thing. And, most importantly, I always knew I was not the most important person in the room. Children don’t need choices as much as they need direction and training.
I spent far too much time on things that didn’t matter much, when I could have spent more time playing with them (they do grow up so, so fast). On the other hand, I also spent far too much time insuring that my children were “busy” all the time with adult-led activities. I have come to realize that children learn much, much more when they are “bored” than when they are constantly entertained. Whenever we decided to turn off the television for a weekend, we experienced an initial, painful phase of whining, then, miraculously, our children became creative, joyful and occupied with ingenious play. Why didn’t we turn the television off more often? Why did we put them in so many afterschool activities?
Finally, I was too emotional in my discipline. When my children misbehaved, I took it personally and got angry. I forgot that they sin because they are human, just as I do. I should have expected their misbehavior, so that when it happened, I could take a matter-of-fact tone, expressing my sadness and disappointment, and providing consequences. My calmness would have illustrated to them that, while we love them more than anything, God tells us we must be the parents and parents must obey him too. That means we will make decisions with which they won’t agree. That’s okay. They can yell and scream and stamp their feet if they must (but in the bedroom so they don’t disturb the rest of the family.) In all situations, we should have realized our children were simply doing what comes naturally to human beings—rebelling against authority. And the response to one rebelling against a righteous authority is love—and authority.
The most important thing I wish I had known is that only God has the power over my children. He is loaning them to my husband and I for a time, but they belong to him alone. Ultimately, all he expects of human parents is for us to teach our children about him and guide them in his ways.
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
Jennifer Cable
Elementary Principal