Then, they did it. One morning, he turned off his alarm and went back to bed, and they let him stay there. When he woke up hours later, the house was deserted. We were shocked at their
decision. What did he do all day? What if he missed important notes or assignments? What if he missed a test? What if this affected his grades? What did they tell the school? Shouldn’t they just tell the school he was sick? What if he was punished for an unexcused absence?
Maybe this seems mild to you, maybe not. At the time, we couldn’t imagine actually carrying through with a threat like that. Then we thought about the learning opportunities of each option:
Option 1: Continue to prod, beg and threaten the child until he gets ready each morning.
What the child learns:
I do not have to be responsible for myself.
There are no consequences for bad behavior in life because my parents (or someone else) will bail me out.
I do not need to do anything hard because someone else will do it for me.
There is nothing wrong with allowing others to suffer instead of me for my failings.
Option 2: Allow the child to experience the natural consequences.
What the child learns:
I am the only person responsible for my choices.
There are real consequences for making bad choices.
I must work hard to achieve things in this world; they will not be given to me.
No one should suffer for my failings.
Is there really any question which option is best? Unsurprisingly, this is also the option God chooses. This world is not easy. God lets us suffer consequences because he loves us. He loves us so much that he is determined to teach us what is best for us no matter how hard a lesson it might be. However, in His mercy, he doesn’t allow us to suffer all the consequences of our choices. In the end, He promises to save us—not from hardship, but from death.
My husband and I have to continually ask ourselves: do we really love our children enough to let them suffer for their choices? We can only pray that God will strengthen us to be that kind of parent.
Jennifer Cable
Elementary School Principal