One of the great gifts our God has given us is the power of language—a power so great that it can create and destroy. Through the Word, God created the entire earth and all creatures in it. Through our words, we have the ability to create community, building others up and honoring them. This power, like all gifts, can also be used to tear down.
“Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Can you hear the hope in that statement? The truth is that our words can be cruel, and can wreak long-lasting damage. We are under no illusions that our students here are exempt from sin, but we seek to create an atmosphere of caring and support that allows all children to learn and feel loved, and we will take whatever steps necessary to ensure that. Addressing this issue is also part of our shared partnership with you to grow our children to love and honor God in all that they do.
In our classrooms recently, we have been discussing the issue of bullying and unkindness in an effort to support a truly Christian community in our school. This kind of community recognizes everyone as a friend, a fellow child of God, and an integral part of a diverse body. In this community, there are no “best friends;” we are all friends and everyone is included. Certainly Jesus went out of his way to model this for us.
I would like you, as parents, to be aware of some of the ideas we discussed with the students so that you can follow up at home. First, there is a distinction between "drama" (as it has been coined) and bullying. "Drama" is general unkindness and exclusion, and it is very detrimental in itself. Bullying, on the other hand, has been defined as verbal or physical abuse, repeated over time, involving a power imbalance, and often directed at a particular person or people. This distinction is important because while "drama" is common, bullying is not.
We also discussed the various forms that both bullying and “drama” can take: physical bullying, verbal bullying and relationship bullying. Physical bullying refers to the stereotypical bully who uses force or threat of force to intimidate. Verbal bullying is using words to the same effect. Relationship bullying involves the manipulating of relationships to make certain people feel excluded. This type is very hard to detect because it is extremely subtle. "You are not welcome" can be communicated effectively with a glance or a slight shoulder movement. Sometimes this is only perceived by the one being bullied, so it is very difficult for teachers or parents to intervene.
Because relationship bullying is so hard to detect, it is very important that all the students know what it looks like, know that it is wrong, and know that they need to speak up. Some students expressed during a recent discussion that they did not realize this kind of behavior was wrong. When they see it, they need to say something--either to the bully or to a parent or teacher. We talk about how, as Christians, God calls us to stand up for what is right, even when we are scared to do so. Correcting a bully is also one of the kindest things you can do for that person. Plus, one being brave enough to say, "Stop being mean," can encourage more to say, "Yeah! Let's all be nice to each other."
Our goal is to put this issue into the forefront of the children's minds right now so that they are all on alert for how people are being treated. They have been told the truth: only through a group effort can the community in which they live and work be changed. As a school, we are prepared to hold students accountable for their behavior toward others. It has now been made clear what unkindness looks like, and the students have an opportunity to ask God for help in changing their hearts. We also spent time discussing that ALL of us, at some point, have been unkind in just this way. We all need daily encouragement to do what is right.
We are depending upon you parents to reinforce this message at home. We need you to encourage your child to speak up when they see unkindness. If they are afraid to stand up to the person, please let them know that the teachers or the principal at the school are available. The staff will not betray the identity of the person who gave us information, and there are so many eyes that the children will never know where the information originated. If your child is honest with you that she or he has been unkind toward others, help them to confess fully, understand the consequences of this sin, and turn from it to what is right. We are certainly not on a "witch hunt," but we will also not tolerate people being mistreated at our school. We believe that just as we must teach children how to read, we must teach them to be kind.
As always, your partnership and support is invaluable to us at Trinity.
Jennifer Cable
Elementary School Principal